I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
