cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
