I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
