i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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