Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
