I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
