He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize