did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
