Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
