i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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