He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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