he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
