i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
