While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize