Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
