I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
