God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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