I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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