I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
