Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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