wrigley field is MILF paradise
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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