He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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