haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize