Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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