this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
