First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
