theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
