508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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