just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
