watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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