I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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