Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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