I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
