The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
