Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
