Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize