it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
