If that was your dad, he is hot
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
