apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Randomize
