i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
