did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
