So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
