At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
