Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
