i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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