Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
