You're my little dorito
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Girls should come with a carfax report
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
