how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
