Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I think my vagina is haunted
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize