You can't motorboat a personality
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
