We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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