How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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