Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I need water and some morals
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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