Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
my sisters under your porch take her home
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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