I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
