I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize