I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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