They should really pass out barf bags in church
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
