Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
