oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
