Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
