i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
