i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize
