is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
