batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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