Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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