sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
