Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
