im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
