Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
