Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
