Can i not drive my cunt home
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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